To Every Ending There is a Beginning

I don't really know where to begin about this post. As most of my friends and family know my brother past away 2 years ago today. Some days it seems like it was just yesterday, other days seems like it has been longer then 2 years. I do feel I would be lost and completely in the dark if it was not for believing in eternal families, and knowing I will see him again. No one really knows how it feels. I think everyone suffers and has different emotions when someone so close you passes away. I lost my grandma Merrill about exactly a month before my brother, which was very hard and unexpected, but she was ready to go and be with her husband in heaven. I mean I could go on with the sob stories, 2006 just was not the best year. The same day we found out Nate had a brain tumor at 27 years old, we had to put one of our dogs, George, down b/c our neighbor fed him anti freeze. Then about 6 months later our other dog, George's brother died, we think just from kidney failure or something. 2006 was just not our year. I consistently ask the question "Why?" Why did he have to suffer 11 months before had to pass away? Why could we not get him to California for the research study, which we tried getting him there about 5 times? If there is a plan, and Nate has to go, why am I so angry? Why can't Nate stay here with his wife and raise his 1 year old son? Why can't Nate be here to help me, and give me the advice my big brother would always give me? So many questions........ If you did not know Nathan, then I am sorry. He was an amazing person! He would go out of his way to help people no matter what. He would always be a phone call away for a computer problem, or for any advice. My brothers advice was my favorite, he always kept me on my toes, and wanted to see better for me. He was an amazing father, husband, son, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend. Anyways so today we were lucky enough to bless handsome Lawson Nathan, today. It was amazing, and it is so fun seeing this handsome little boy bless all of our lives. I love thinking that Lawson already knows his uncle Nate, and that he was sent here for a purpose, the way Nate had to leave here for a purpose. That is the purpose of life right? We come here and make footprints on peoples lives, then when our time is to leave, we should not complain. That's why I think it is so important to make every moment count. I mean it is not easy, I easily forget. I know it is easier said then done, but what if when you kiss your husband that morning or your children, and it could be the last? What if tomorrow you find out you have cancer? What would you do? Why yell at someone you do not even know b/c your food is not right, or they are just doing there job, do you know what they've been through? What if you do not drive those extra miles to see your family, but what if it was one of your last opportunities? I dunno a lot of "what ifs" to think about. Baby Lawson... Anyways sorry, I keep going on random thoughts. Today was a lot of fun! I always love being with my family. I always love seeing Ryker Nathan, my brother Nathan's son who is now 3 and Melissa, Ryker's amazing mom. I look up to Melissa so much, I see how strong she is, and how raising a 3 year old boy is never easy, but if Anyone can do it, she can. Ryker is one lcuky kid, and going to be an all star. He already would rather watch ESPN and his football games, then watch cartoons! Ha ha How many three year olds do you know who sit in front of the TV watching his football team which changes, but usually is the Cowboys (his daddy's favorite team), or the Bears (his uncle Chris's favorite team), and yells "nice tackle", "oh fumble", "oh come on catch the ball".... it is defiantly entertaining! I do have some pictures and video of it all! So enjoy! And thanks for your time and reading all my thoughts today. Also thanks for all the love and support from my friends and families through the years!